tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33283624250242542792024-02-07T21:43:26.939-08:00Urinal GumThe best vaguely-activist, nonsense-based blog on the internet.Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-31314726972183212252013-12-13T08:00:00.000-08:002013-12-13T08:00:05.290-08:00One Easy Way to Make Everyone's Commute Better<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF8WDcPOCvYFvRfyH9FM-mSrtqPxEqukez5iwUxExajZK0G0Jkr4TIj9e8ynSVTCDk1UtDBqZpiG3TBwqBGmWuix6b81cI1DAoQ-PPi7XKiqpJws9-Z39wM9rmN5uhJ8rtGejqe9FQ6aZQ/s1600/296_561912510776_8211_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF8WDcPOCvYFvRfyH9FM-mSrtqPxEqukez5iwUxExajZK0G0Jkr4TIj9e8ynSVTCDk1UtDBqZpiG3TBwqBGmWuix6b81cI1DAoQ-PPi7XKiqpJws9-Z39wM9rmN5uhJ8rtGejqe9FQ6aZQ/s400/296_561912510776_8211_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's got to be a better way.</td></tr>
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I think just about everyone from all walks of life can agree
that there are too many idiot drivers on the roads these days. Many believe it
is their God-given right to have a car and to use it no matter how poorly they
drive. These people are wrong. We would all be much better off if there were less people on the roads.
One way to do that would be to toughen the requirements to be a driver.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Some of you may still be on the fence about the bad effects
all these cars on the road have on our quality of life. The abundance of motor
vehicles leads to countless deaths every year in the United States: over
32,000. That makes it the leading cause of death due to injury (<a href="http://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/pdf/10LCID_Violence_Related_Injury_Deaths_2010-a.pdf" target="_blank">according to the CDC</a>).
<o:p></o:p><br />
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Also, <a href="http://www.epa.gov/air/caa/peg/carstrucks.html" target="_blank">according to the EPA</a>,
approximately half of all air pollution comes from motor vehicles. If that is
still not enough evidence to convince you that motor vehicles are the devil, <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505145_162-57568254/" target="_blank">Americans owe over three quarters of a TRILLION dollars inauto loan debt</a>.
And, driving cars is associated with a sedentary lifestyle contributing to
record obesity rates in the United States.<o:p></o:p><br />
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So, to summarize, our love affair with motor vehicles is
leading to</div>
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<ul>
<li>Our death, through accidents</li>
<li>Poor air quality</li>
<li>Financial instability</li>
<li>Fat asses</li>
</ul>
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Despite all of these negatives associated with driving, the
majority of Americans still consider car ownership a necessity. What can be
done to get them off the fossil fuel teet?<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.zmescience.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/china-smog11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="http://cdn.zmescience.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/china-smog11.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Courtesy of zmescience.com</td></tr>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>What Can We Do to
Improve Our Quality of Life<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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One solution to getting cars off the road is to make it
incredibly hard to own a car. For one, we could raise the safety standards that
potential car drivers must meet. The road tests could be more difficult. The
written test could be harder to pass with tougher questions and a higher number
of correct answers needed to pass. As it is, you can pass most states’ tests
while still making errors that could kill someone down
the road. <o:p></o:p><br />
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If the fees for obtaining and
renewing a driver's licence were increased, it would become cost prohibitive for some.
More people would reconsider driving. The surplus money collected from these
fees could be funneled into subsidizing public transportation.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Finally, there need to be harsher penalties for people who
break the law while driving. When you operate a motor vehicle, you are
essentially moving around in a two-ton bullet. If someone misuses a gun, which
has much smaller bullets, they lose their right to own a gun. That right is protected by the Constitution. You do not have the right to own a car.<o:p></o:p><br />
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I propose for “minor” offenses - not using a turn signal,
speeding, running a pink light, etc. – that do not lead to accidents, there
should be a one-year suspension for the driver and mandatory retesting. For
worse offenses – driving under the influence, causing an accident, driving
without a valid license, etc. – the penalty will be permanent suspension of
driving privileges as well as jail time.<o:p></o:p><br />
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In summary, to decrease the number of drivers on the road,
we should</div>
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<ul>
<li>Increase the difficulty of both driving and written tests</li>
<li>Increase the fees associated with obtaining and maintaining
a driver’s license</li>
<li>Introduce much harsher penalties for unsafe driving</li>
</ul>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://assets.inhabitat.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/1/files/2013/11/Maglev-Rendering-Maryland.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="260" src="http://assets.inhabitat.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/1/files/2013/11/Maglev-Rendering-Maryland.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Courtesy of Inhabitat.com</td></tr>
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<b><br /></b>
<b>What Fewer Drivers
Will Look Like<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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The benefits will be many and profound for those motorists
who are responsible enough to get and maintain a driver’s license. One of the
more superficial benefits that will appeal to most of us is shorter commutes.
This means more times with our families or World of Warcraft. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For those who are not privileged enough to procure a license,
there will be public transportation, which will be getting much more funding
and thus providing better services. When you are on the bus, subway, or train,
you are free to read, surf the web, or just kick back and relax while someone
else does the driving. You could also take up bicycling to work and crank out your workout during your commute.<o:p></o:p></div>
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By removing the more unsafe drivers, it stands to reason
that there will be fewer accidents. Plus, those who are driving will drive
safely and responsibly to keep their licenses. Darwin may get upset about this,
but you know, the families of the potential innocent responsible folks who
happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time will be happy…or at least
will not experience the pain that would have occurred. Or something.<o:p></o:p><br />
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With fewer cars on the roads, there would be less need for
traffic cops. This will free the police up for going after the real criminals:
pot smokers (kidding!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Overall, with decreased motor vehicle usage, we will lead
healthier, happier lives. With less pollutants clogging up the air, our air
quality will improve. Hell, maybe cancer will be less common. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, in summary, by reducing the number of drivers through
increased restrictions and fees, we can expect:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<ul>
<li>Shorter commutes for drivers</li>
<li>Improved public transportation</li>
<li>More enjoyable commutes</li>
<li>Fewer accidents</li>
<li>More cops focusing on real crimes</li>
<li>Less pollution</li>
</ul>
<b>If you disagree, please explain why. If you agree, please
share this near and far.<o:p></o:p></b><br />
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-51450540305177898122013-10-08T20:39:00.000-07:002013-10-08T20:39:05.214-07:00Emerald City Roller Girls Donate $700 to Womenspace<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg73gUZMW-QCPgsjO1hiJ5EA-r2OSND9zQvBdIY6ObNLuLNzrgaU0G06_O6qpQJCoJ51zYzrF9lXty815oe4bdREcCGs52wVhcBhtn0simKObmliNQ_R4cw8TytnJHhxLq8iQad-DtYHvgS/s1600/ecrglogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg73gUZMW-QCPgsjO1hiJ5EA-r2OSND9zQvBdIY6ObNLuLNzrgaU0G06_O6qpQJCoJ51zYzrF9lXty815oe4bdREcCGs52wVhcBhtn0simKObmliNQ_R4cw8TytnJHhxLq8iQad-DtYHvgS/s400/ecrglogo.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Emerald City Roller Girls chose Womenspace as their 2013 Charity of the Year.</td></tr>
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The Emerald City Roller Girls donated $700 of its proceeds
from the 2013 season to Womenspace, the “primary provider of intimate partner
violence services.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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ECRG fiercely supports community involvement and giving back
to local nonprofit organizations. ECRG chose Womenspace as its 2013 beneficiary
after learning Womenspace had to close its walk-in services due to budget cuts
earlier this year. In addition to providing financial support, ECRG also
provided Womenspace with the opportunity to table at each of the bouts in 2013.
You can learn more about Womenspace by visiting their <a href="http://womenspaceinc.org/">website</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Emerald City Roller Girls are busy training for the 2014
season. The season opener will be February 8<sup>th</sup> at the Lane Events
Center. For the complete schedule, visit the <a href="http://emeraldcityrollergirls.net/schedule/">ECRG website</a>. Season
tickets go on sale next month. Stay glued to the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/EmeraldCityRollerGirls">ECRG Facebook page</a>
for information on ticket sales. ECRG has not yet decided who will be their
2014 Charity of the Year.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-21985848890143623792013-09-19T18:26:00.003-07:002013-09-19T18:26:59.614-07:00Emerald City Junior Gems Open Registration to Boys<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjttIHA1HEGC2oFC_bPRgWo2GcUwQTiWoisn5PXKXEyBfuoU8Ny_rqYFrexKLRX8AymM5Gb1s4TYQ_lTroulA16iN_7irfa1yzL1olgXEzu7hU4oXC-z8gKLJOtTxWcmDs2s-0h6K4iybUZ/s1600/995480_10151613107927623_1324349419_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjttIHA1HEGC2oFC_bPRgWo2GcUwQTiWoisn5PXKXEyBfuoU8Ny_rqYFrexKLRX8AymM5Gb1s4TYQ_lTroulA16iN_7irfa1yzL1olgXEzu7hU4oXC-z8gKLJOtTxWcmDs2s-0h6K4iybUZ/s400/995480_10151613107927623_1324349419_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What Junior Gems being awesome may look like. Photo Credit: Jeff Boerio / www.rockinbdigital.com</td></tr>
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For the first time in Eugene/Springfield history, boys will
have an opportunity to participate in junior roller derby. The Emerald City
Junior Gems are opening up registration to boys ages 10-17 to play roller derby
this season. This pilot project comes with support from various places from
veteran Junior Gems all the way up to the greater trend of mutual support for co-ed
derby from the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association and Men’s Roller Derby
Association, governing bodies for their respective genders.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“We would like to invite boys to skate with the girls this
year. Our hope is that things will go
smoothly, and we can grow the league to include boys permanently. This is in the very beginning stages,”
Junior Gems Director Cold Hard Crash said. “The only details we know for sure
are that the boys will start in the modified division just like the girls and will
have to be evaluated for skills and safety prior to moving into the full-contact
division.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Emerald City Junior Gems are under the umbrella of the
Emerald City Roller Girls. The Emerald City Roller Girls do not currently have
an official place for men’s players, though they regularly practice, scrimmage,
and bout with members of the Lane County Concussion men’s team. It is unclear
what the Lane County Concussion’s involvement will be with the Junior Gems,
though they have often lent a hand by officiating and helping out with Gems
practices in the past. The inclusion of boys will likely lead to more Lane
County Concussion volunteering in Junior Gems practices.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Registration takes place Monday, September 23<sup>rd</sup>
at 5pm at Willamalane Center in Springfield and is open to all boys and girls
ages 10-17 interested in playing roller derby. Skaters should be sure to arrive
with skates, elbow pads, knee pads, wrist guards, helmets, and mouth guards.
For more information, visit the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/167836073420064/" target="_blank">Facebook event</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-34033067060797864182013-09-09T19:40:00.002-07:002013-09-09T19:52:05.308-07:0012 Reasons Why Quitting Facebook Was the Best Decision of My Life<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVNcqezq4hilVcIw_V1chMQsEEsbof6S06jyY1nXb-Rkr-vAjgxw4OydWJks8TqCZOlOhNoD_try_PePKEtopIhd48gfZsxXbU5EvPEj3e6VJg5QO_twtjk0h25492xQFpTdiWKdHssbHp/s1600/facebook_logo_cross_out_300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVNcqezq4hilVcIw_V1chMQsEEsbof6S06jyY1nXb-Rkr-vAjgxw4OydWJks8TqCZOlOhNoD_try_PePKEtopIhd48gfZsxXbU5EvPEj3e6VJg5QO_twtjk0h25492xQFpTdiWKdHssbHp/s320/facebook_logo_cross_out_300x300.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I salute the red, white, and blue.</td></tr>
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I offed myself in the social networking world. I justified
spending hours on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. by insisting I needed to
do it for my public relations work. But, one day, I noticed that the vast
majority of my time was spent browsing inane minutiae. Half my interactions on
Facebook were uncomfortable at best and paralyzingly depressing at worst. I
also caught myself getting discouraged when various posts weren’t being viewed
as much as I wanted. Who cares?</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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I decided to be done with the whole thing. And, life has
been great ever since.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It took a little weaning. To me, all social media pales in comparison
to Facebook, where I was most active. So, I was able to dump everything but
Facebook cold turkey. With Facebook, for the first week, I vowed not to post
anything at all. I deleted the Facebook app from my iPhone. Each morning, I
would browse my notifications on my laptop then no more Facebook for the rest
of the day. If I got messages, I’d try to move the conversation to email. If I
didn’t have the person’s email address, I asked for it. I didn’t make a big
fuss about quitting Facebook because I didn’t know if I could quit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After making it a week, I knew I was in the clear. Using dry
erase marker, I wrote “For a good time email jamesbrains55@gmail” on my
bathroom wall. I took a picture of it and made it my Facebook profile picture
hoping people would get the hint that email was the best was to contact me. I
then privately bid adieu to Facebook.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After about a month away and many awkward conversations
where people asked me about things they posted on my wall, I decided to
officially announce my canning of Facebook.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“It's been about three weeks since I last used Facebook, and
I think I'm going to continue to avoid it for many reasons. So, if you tried to
contact me via Facebook or plan to do so in the future, you will not hear back
from me. Instead, shoot me an email at <a href="mailto:jamesbrains55@gmail.com">jamesbrains55@gmail.com</a>.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNZQX_dX1ib6ZMPd6VI9iCqFwQKin7FQ4yO5F14eIFaFPIOoE_c05-gbN6m2PAGZBXKNiKX3_Pr8tQQ9Qz2wPq3_oChinJK1-JFKvporuVfQnrxjWhu1SR0qnIMVeStqkIgJGZ7ktRXvXe/s1600/1040716_10100962449270856_1451049765_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNZQX_dX1ib6ZMPd6VI9iCqFwQKin7FQ4yO5F14eIFaFPIOoE_c05-gbN6m2PAGZBXKNiKX3_Pr8tQQ9Qz2wPq3_oChinJK1-JFKvporuVfQnrxjWhu1SR0qnIMVeStqkIgJGZ7ktRXvXe/s400/1040716_10100962449270856_1451049765_o.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't often let people use my bathroom, but when I do, I get emails about it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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People are very understanding. I think it may be because
they secretly hope to do the same. It is a parasitic relationship Facebook has
with us. It can’t live without sucking the life out of us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I did not completely delete my Facebook account. I don’t
believe in burning bridges. And, I’m lucky enough to have other people doing
the social media work my public relations job requires. It’s nice.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Why My Life is Better<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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So, now that I’ve given you the how, let me tell you the
why:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></b>
<b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">1. Face-to-Face
Interaction is More Rewarding</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">When I communicate with people, I don’t
have some Facebook status update in the back of my mind telling me what to talk
to them about. I don’t have to feel like I’m making some faux pas for not
having checked their Facebook profile before talking to them. The conversation
can progress in a natural way with both parties communicating topics of
interest. In essence, I’m getting my information in a much more interactive
way.</span><br /><b><br /></b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">2. </span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Less
Drama</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The time between someone thinking something
and then posting it on Facebook for the world to see is excruciatingly small
for many people. Few people have a filter. Even fewer take the time to consider
the consequences of posting various things. This leads to drama. I’m not into
drama. It’s why I avoid “reality” television.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">3. No Longer
Bombarded with Stupidity</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">My wife is still on Facebook. She will be
forever. And, she likes to show me various things she finds on Facebook. And,
my reaction is always a sarcastic, “Wow, I really miss Facebook.” It just
reinforces my reasons for leaving. I just can’t help but wonder about all of
the awesome words on a picture I’m missing.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">4. More Time
to Do Things That Matter</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I love writing, and I run two tiny blogs
(Urinal Gum and Eating with Jerome and James). I have so much more time to
generate content. I have more time to read books and news articles. I have more
time to spend with my family. You may wonder how promoting my blogs works
without social media. It’s a little bit harder. I promote subscribing to my
blogs. And, if an article is truly good and worth sharing, then subscribers
will share it. I’m really not too concerned about this.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">5. Less
Rubbing on Your Phone</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">On the hit comedy series </span><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia</i><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">, Dennis
is messing with his new smart phone when the technologically clueless Frank
snatches it from him saying, “What are you rubbing on your phone? Let me rub on
it!” I bring this up because we all spend waaay too much time rubbing on our
phones. “I need my happy buttons!” as Tom Green calls the phenomenon. Without
the social media, it will be a lot easier for you to respect your time and
others by putting the damn phone down.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">6. You’ll Be
Considered More Mysterious</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">It’s pretty rare these days, but we all
know people who don’t use Facebook. They are intriguing in a way. It’s kind of
like traveling to a remote jungle and discovering a new tribe. It’s much harder
for people to learn about you without actually interacting with you.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">7. Friends Will
Be More Apt to Include You in Discrete Adventures</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">This one surprised me. These days, if you
do anything noteworthy, it is photographed or videotaped and posted on social
media within seconds. So, if you want to do more risqué, legally-questionable
things, you don’t want people around who will be blabbing about it on the
internet. You’d be surprised how many homeless people I’ve seen murdered in the
last month.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">8. One Can
Live in the Moment (Instead of Living in the How the Facebook Crowd Will React to
My Hilarious Update in the Future)</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">For a week or two after dropping Facebook,
I had to deal with an odd reflex that tried to drive me to share particularly
noteworthy events or thoughts on Facebook. “Oh man, that fat Hispanic woman
licking ice cream off the pavement needs to be brought to the attention of
Facebook!” Now, I just enjoy moments for what they are, and if I happen to
remember it, I have an interesting anecdote to share with whomever I interact
with thus making me a more rewarding person to talk to face-to-face.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">9. Less
Unpleasant Interactions</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">People can be real jerks over the computer.
This isn’t a license for everyone to be mean. I’m just pointing out a
psychological theory that the further away people are from each other, the
easier it is to be a total ninny to them. I had a good friend say some rather
hurtful things to me in a public arena. This could be avoided with face-to-face
interaction.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">10. Ability
to Be a Self-Righteous Prick</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Now that I don’t use Facebook, I can look down
on people who do. As groups of people rub on their phones, I sit there enjoying
a book or the pleasant coo of a pigeon. I smile at a baby. I can enjoy life
without the parasitic social media sucking me dry. I am a better person for it.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">11. Get News
Delivered From Unbiased Sources</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Based on some fact pulled directly from my
butt, most Americans get their news from links posted on social media. These
links typically come from very biased news sources and are accompanied by the
sharer’s views on the topic. Wouldn’t it be nice to get your news without the
bias? You can. I visit a variety of good news sites for this purpose: NPR, BBC,
Salon, Fark, Slate, etc.</span><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">12. Less
Incriminating/Embarrassing Things for Others to Dig Up</b><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">People have lost jobs because of things posted
on social media. Your Facebook profile is even more likely to prevent you from
landing a job. Why not keep your job while still living the life of a crazy son
of a gun?</span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
These
are just a few of the positive ways in which my life has improved since leaving
Facebook. Go ahead and share this article on Facebook and enjoy the civil,
well-thought-out arguments your friends provide for why I’m wrong.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<iframe border="0" frameborder="0" height="250" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?t=urigum-20&o=1&p=12&l=ur1&category=amazonhomepage&f=ifr" style="border: none;" width="300"></iframe>
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-83432415273667486852013-07-02T17:46:00.001-07:002013-07-02T17:58:08.479-07:00Letter to the National Security Agency<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQZd-Ekf3NZvY3a_Uw47W9Gw9_fh7JwYUWdLrWa_aS9E7fMSfHyOkXBpo8_uXmP0o6ookc-QesqcdW-tHX6zksKDT71WbaFLYMj6omfh3f37LJ535xn6duaM10dt44mD38mA3jDU1Qen1K/s1600/nsa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQZd-Ekf3NZvY3a_Uw47W9Gw9_fh7JwYUWdLrWa_aS9E7fMSfHyOkXBpo8_uXmP0o6ookc-QesqcdW-tHX6zksKDT71WbaFLYMj6omfh3f37LJ535xn6duaM10dt44mD38mA3jDU1Qen1K/s400/nsa.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why won't they acknowledge our friend Jack Turklesson's letter?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Recently, our friend Jack Turklesson wrote a letter to the
National Security Agency. Here is the letter in its entirety (minus taint
shots). As of press time, he has yet to hear back from them.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">June 18, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">National Security Agency<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">9800 Savage Rd.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Fort Meade, MD 20755<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear National Security Agency,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I recently learned about your spying program from arrogant
people in the <i><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/jun/06/us-tech-giants-nsa-data" target="_blank">Guardian</a></i> and <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/us-intelligence-mining-data-from-nine-us-internet-companies-in-broad-secret-program/2013/06/06/3a0c0da8-cebf-11e2-8845-d970ccb04497_story.html" target="_blank">the <i>Washington Post</i></a>. These articles stirred
some strong emotions in me. Thank you for doing this to protect us from
terrorists. Only through keeping a close eye on your own citizens are you able
to stop terrorists. By my count, there has only been one successful terrorist
attack on US soil since the Tragic Events of September 11<sup>th</sup>, 2000. That’s
a 10,000% reduction in terrorism. And, even that thing in Boston is allowable
because it needed to remind us that terrorism is still a real threat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, the paranoid people out there think you are taking away
Fourth Amendment rights. To them, I say: “What does it matter if you have nothing
to hide?” To prove I have nothing to hide and to aid the NSA in their spying
program, I am giving you the passwords to my email and my social media accounts:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">My AOL email password is Ronald88Reagan.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">My MySpace password is Prodigy5ux.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">My Friendster account is LAWLZbbq2.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">And, you can access my LiveJournal with
4321Password.</span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-indent: -24px;">
<div style="text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In addition to these passwords, I have enclosed naked pictures of myself, including taint shots, to prove I have absolutely nothing to hide.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I feel it is important to explain some things you may have seen while “datamining” my information.</span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">My use of the phrase “that is the bomb” is not a
reference to an explosive device. It is popular vernacular for “I approve of
the quality of that.”</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">You may have also seen “I’d like to perform a
terrorist attack on her!” This is not a reference to wanting to cause terror in
anyone. It is just a particularly crude way of saying that a woman’s appearance
aroused powerful feelings of lust within me.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I may have also said, “Do you want to come over
and smoke some marijuana?” This is not an invitation for cannabis use. Drugs are
bad and illegal and wrong. I don’t do them. Drugs could ruin one’s ability to
write meaningful letters. No, “smoke some marijuana” is code for “eat massive
amounts of perfectly legal cheeseburgers.” My wife doesn’t like me eating a
lot, so I have to use code when I want friends to come over to binge. I am very
fat.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">We use “having a safety meeting” to mean “smoke
marijuana.”</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Now, you may have read an email about destroying
an abortion clinic. That email was pretty straight forward, but we aborted that
before the planning stages. We found out my buddy’s daughter was teen pregnant
and needed to visit the clinic. Woops. Either way, it would not be a terrorist
attack because none of us are Muslim. We’re Christians. The attack would be
“God’s Will.”</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope the above clears some things up and makes your job easier.
If I can ever be of assistance, do not hesitate to contact me (you have my
contact info). I’m currently unemployed, so if you need me to fill any jobs for
you, please contact me about that as well. As you can see, I already have a
strong understanding of how the NSA works. I look forward to hearing from you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Openly Yours,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Jack Turklesso</span>n<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-37465303340955699672013-06-23T22:06:00.000-07:002013-06-23T22:06:03.318-07:00ROLLER DERBY: Skatesaphrenics Slaughter Sick Town, 294-121<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSRthIkuUA0AhPad-RVfWlEUUP0JpEynZPwPu1dObeJul6KLWKSVo7tKRGoiFdo_89YEz2cG4tSVH8CWY3WHJ5gHii6p8uF0CWVF2F4LICdDVnE-0l8N21T1NBR2ueiR0CYzpWCBJoFagY/s1600/936404_10151444542382623_1796582468_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSRthIkuUA0AhPad-RVfWlEUUP0JpEynZPwPu1dObeJul6KLWKSVo7tKRGoiFdo_89YEz2cG4tSVH8CWY3WHJ5gHii6p8uF0CWVF2F4LICdDVnE-0l8N21T1NBR2ueiR0CYzpWCBJoFagY/s320/936404_10151444542382623_1796582468_n.jpg" width="253" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Medusa Harm graced the official bout poster.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The <a href="http://emeraldcityrollergirls.net/" target="_blank">Emerald City Roller Girls</a>’ travel-team Skatesaphrenics
(<a href="http://wftda.com/rankings" target="_blank">ranked #67 in the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association</a>) were not supposed to
play the <a href="http://sicktownderbydames.com/" target="_blank">Sick Town Derby Dames</a> (#135) Saturday night. Originally, they were
going to compete against the Bellingham Roller Betties (#97). But due to
injuries and other conflicts, Bellingham only had six charter skaters available.
Consequently, they put together a team of unchartered skaters to play Emerald
City’s B-Ward in the opening bout Saturday night. A bout the B-Ward won
202-171. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The unsanctioned headlining bout was marked by the
triumphant return of Phrenics’ Rex Havoc, one of the most feared blockers in
the Northwest. This was Rex’s first travel team bout of 2013 after receiving
shoulder surgery during the off season. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Phrenics individually came in with a lot of experience
with Sick Town. All three Emerald City home teams played Sick Town this season.
The Andromedolls won 206-171 last weekend. In April, Church of Sk8in beat Sick
Town 228-189. And in February, Emerald City’s 2013 Champion Flat Track Furies
lost 188-145.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After a 2-0 jam, a costly cut major by Jala Pain Yo on the
second jam of the bout gave Sick Town their first and biggest lead of the game
19-2. The lead didn’t last long as the Phrenics’ Medusa Harm tallied a 25-0 jam
after Sick Town jammer Hot Boxxx picked up a cut. Medusa scored 51 of the
Phrenics’ first 58 points before giving up the star for the night due to
penalty trouble. Medusa was dominating with her blocking until she was ejected
for an egregious high hit midway through the second half.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sick Town clawed their way back with a 20-2 power jam by
ILL-Ninja. Twelve minutes into the bout Sick Town led for the last time 39-34.
Miss Kitty La Rue earned Sick Town’s first lead jammer nod of the bout on the
following jam but was promptly whistled to the box for cutting. This allowed
Medusa Harm to collect a 24-4 jam and give the Phrenics the lead for good. The
Phrenics were masterful at getting lead collecting it 25 times to Sick Town’s
8. The Phrenics continued to build upon their lead going into the half up
130-61.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Phrenics dominated the second half. In the first sixteen
minutes, they outscored Sick Town 96-12 to put the game out of reach. In a game
that featured ten jams of 20+ points, Sick Town’s jammer penalty trouble made
the difference. Sick Town’s jammers were in the box for sixteen jams while the
Phrenics were there eight. For the most part, the Phrenics’ offensive blockers
engaged Sick Town blockers on the power jams. Phrenics’ blocker Coop de Grâce
was dominant on the power jams using perfect timing to sweep away the Sick Town
blockers leaving gaping holes for her jammers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When the dust settled, the Phrenics proved to be the
superior team, 294-121.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After the bout, Sick Town named Phrenics’ blocker Killin
Sicilian the MVP of the bout. The Phrenics picked Stitches N Bones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Skatesaphrenics’ next travel to Boise, Idaho to play in
the Spudtown Knockdown July 20<sup>th</sup> and 21<sup>st</sup>. Sick Town
plays Lilac City on July 27<sup>th</sup> in Spokane, Wash.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For more coverage and pictures of this bout and <a href="http://lanetoday.com/2013/06/23/roller-derby-beg-for-merzy-leads-skatesaphrenics-b-ward-over-bellingham/" target="_blank">the opening bout</a>, <a href="http://lanetoday.com/2013/06/23/roller-derby-skatesaphrenics-jala-pain-yo-spices-up-the-track-in-victory-over-sick-town-smash-unit-of-corvallis/" target="_blank">visit Lane Today</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Jammer Stats<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Emerald City’s Skatesaphrenics (Lead – Total – In Box –
Points)</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Jala Pain Yo (3 – 4 – 1 – 61)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wonder Dread (8 – 11 – 0 – 56)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Medusa Harm (2 – 4 – 3 – 51)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ogden (4 – 5 – 0 – 49)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Neel (2 – 3 – 2 – 39)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Psychotic Rage (3 – 6 – 1 – 24)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Rex Havoc (3 – 5 – 1 – 14)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Sick Town (Lead – Total – In Box – Points)</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">ILL-Ninja (2 – 13 – 7 – 55)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Stitches N Bones (1 – 6 – 2 – 26)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Miss Kitty La Rue (1 – 4 – 1 – 21)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">HotBoxxx (2 – 4 – 2 – 12)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Syd Rock (2 – 8 – 2 – 7)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Swagger Jackie (0 – 5 – 2 – 0)</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">This recap is brought to you by cowbells. Cowbells: For when you absolutely must let everyone in the arena know who you are rooting for.</span></div>
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-47493421162824895922013-06-18T13:56:00.000-07:002013-06-18T16:25:42.030-07:00Top Ten Tuesday: Social Conventions We Can Do Without<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0OI1Yd-pL_Tt7UYgs0Ej239It_i7xTAW6dJJZpsj7SZbSFMpD20pTH7OuaLY846sm2Aa_lE8MoJ0-9twb7wpZ1DwXNybsKcr5FgMQiAkRauabPnjDhp3zQ53OFyyvUpscidebJAAwp1fO/s1600/310239_10100154075373626_1887178939_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0OI1Yd-pL_Tt7UYgs0Ej239It_i7xTAW6dJJZpsj7SZbSFMpD20pTH7OuaLY846sm2Aa_lE8MoJ0-9twb7wpZ1DwXNybsKcr5FgMQiAkRauabPnjDhp3zQ53OFyyvUpscidebJAAwp1fO/s320/310239_10100154075373626_1887178939_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">America uber alles.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">To steal from </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Convention_(norm)" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, social conventions are “a set of agreed,
stipulated, or generally-accepted standards, norms, social norms, or criteria,
often taking the form of a custom.” In other words, it is stuff we do because
everyone else is doing it. These conventions are generally steeped in
tradition. And, often times, they are wasteful, harmful, and just plain stupid.
Below are the ten worst social conventions scientifically ranked based on their
wastefulness, harmfulness, and stupidity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>10. Those Tiny Little Lies We Tell Everyone</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">These are the canned responses we blurt out many times a day
without thinking. “I’m fine.” “You’re not fat.” “No, I really am interested in
your dream.” Etc. We do this to make interactions go more smoothly. If we aren’t
“fine,” then we need to go into great detail about why we are not. Anorexia is
propagated by our inability to tell people they are fat. We tell everyone from
the obese to the super skinny that they are not fat. It is an obvious lie for
the obese, but those suffering from anorexia cannot tell if it is a lie when
applied to them. This, of course, is not the only factor leading to anorexia,
but our inability to be honest about our bodies certainly does not help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>9. We Must All Dress Nice for This Funeral, Wedding, Bris</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn_M9H-FDu9iisu9oQbRJWh7HJmddMseo0gvJub1TqNFLl1K0RFXcEW_L01Em83Fo4tyf_rKR6D15af2APPcOAZ6p6gdQpSTO52ovXaO3PUMuS4rdidDZcZOIDjli4NHPlNCMCN7uUbOxK/s1600/66092_772334248926_1144455_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn_M9H-FDu9iisu9oQbRJWh7HJmddMseo0gvJub1TqNFLl1K0RFXcEW_L01Em83Fo4tyf_rKR6D15af2APPcOAZ6p6gdQpSTO52ovXaO3PUMuS4rdidDZcZOIDjli4NHPlNCMCN7uUbOxK/s320/66092_772334248926_1144455_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is never appropriate attire no matter how comfortable you may be.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here, in Eugene, we’ve moved on from this convention. At any
given event, one sees the entire spectrum of casual-to-formal wear, from the
</span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008XN4638/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B008XN4638&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">banana hammock</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> (only kind-of kidding) to the three-piece suit. But, elsewhere,
there is the expectation that we honor those who have died, married, or had the
tip of their penis lopped off by wearing incredibly uncomfortable clothing. Let
us dress as comfortably as we’d like, and we won’t rush off after the ceremony.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>8. Not Taking the Last Deviled Egg</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">At any social gathering where food is offered, we see these
sad platters with only one food item left on them. Take it! Don’t let the food
go to waste! There are starving children in Africa! If it helps, psychology
studies show the alpha male is usually the one who takes the last food item on
a tray.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>7. Awkward Hand Gestures</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj71B403HYfmM1L-VsjVOXcIpDei8tiaMRoNavHxbi3c03xDvFhUojSuPD2dl5W7yXyjzR7rnlt3IC8X0Z6_DViAp99ScHATHmVMsWSjcmObFv1Zc-o4-3tpjCGnDaECM9N98yM5qTZF00v/s1600/29826_723270632806_5613884_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj71B403HYfmM1L-VsjVOXcIpDei8tiaMRoNavHxbi3c03xDvFhUojSuPD2dl5W7yXyjzR7rnlt3IC8X0Z6_DViAp99ScHATHmVMsWSjcmObFv1Zc-o4-3tpjCGnDaECM9N98yM5qTZF00v/s320/29826_723270632806_5613884_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This hand gesture required zero synchronization with a second person.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It used to be that the simple hand shake with a firm grip
was the standard. Nowadays, it’s a bit more complicated. There are way too many
variants of hand gestures that require both parties be on the same page to pull
it off. And, both parties are rarely on the same page. We can’t even do the
hand shake right these days. Half the time, some guy squeezes the ends of our
fingers. Maybe that’s an alpha male thing too. Perhaps, we should just stick
with saying “hi” and not touching.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>6. False Chivalry</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We’re going to focus on holding doors here because that is
where we encounter the most stupidity, but there are other acts of
pseudo-chivalry that just as easily follow this pattern. With door holding, if
there is anyone within fifteen feet of us when we open a door, we are almost
expected to hold it for them. This holds true even when the doorholder has her
hands full and is 87 years old and the physically-capable “holdee” has both
hands free. Half the time, the doorholder is on his phone or otherwise preoccupied,
and he will block the entrance into the building through his “chivalrous” act.
Let’s keep the door holding to situations where it is actually needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>5. Expected Pleasantries: Thanks Yous, Happy Birthdays, etc.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On one’s birthday, we are expected to say happy birthday. If
someone does something, no matter how small, we say thank you. Both of these
gestures have lost all meaning. We say happy birthday to companies now. We
thank cashiers for selling us things. We do these things because there are guilt
mongers out there who will attempt to make us feel like crap if we don’t engage
in these trivial acts. Avoid these people! And, avoid thanking someone or
wishing them a happy birthday out of obligation! Only do it when truly moved to
do so! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>4. “God Bless You”</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When someone sneezes, we are expected to acknowledge it.
This is an archaic practice based on superstition. But, let’s humor the “God
bless you” for a moment here. For the sake of argument, let’s imagine there is
a God. There are people working their asses off to help the poor and
needy who are rarely offered a “God bless you” for their work. Why do we give
the fat slob double-fisting Big Macs and contributing nothing to society a
blessing from God for merely sneezing?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>3. The Playing of the Star-Spangled Banner before Events</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We perform the Star-Spangled Banner before events to promote
nationalism. It’s to beat the drum of America uber alles. It’s to program us to
mindlessly follow the crowd. And, if we don’t stand up and remove our hats for
this ritual, we are vile scum of the earth…and not citizens of a free country
enjoying said freedom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2. Gift-Giving Events</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is so entrenched in our society that it is unlikely to
go away anytime soon. Around Christmastime or birthdays, we give <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0047E0EII/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0047E0EII&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">thoughtless,obligatory gifts</a> to loved ones and acquaintances alike because that’s what we’re
supposed to do. We get stressed out about it. Only a small fraction of the
gifts we get are useful to us. The rest is waste. The wrapping paper is waste. The
mass-produced <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060PIRMM/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060PIRMM&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">greeting cards</a> are a waste. If we are truly moved to give a gift
to someone, why not just give it to them regardless of the time of year? If we
can’t think of something to get someone, don’t get them anything. Spend some
time with them instead. We’ve shit on this planet enough: we don’t need to
continue with this insane parade of wastefulness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1. Tipping</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Tips exist to keep employers from having to pay their
workers a living wage. Let’s get rid of tips and increase the pay and benefits
for service workers. Sure, this will lead to increased prices, but it evens
out. “But, what incentive will servers have to provide good service?” They’ll
have the same incentives the rest of us have: taking pride in our work and
wanting to keep our jobs or get promoted. Unfortunately, this is not a practice
that one person can act on alone. Do not
stiff the waiters! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What social conventions annoy you? Please share below.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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</script>Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-78586021432616691242013-06-17T17:46:00.000-07:002013-06-17T17:49:21.019-07:00ROLLER DERBY: Slow Second-Half Start Stunts Portland's Upset Hopes<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBTEUUvNEXBU1lkNo7nm0665hxYsHT_72m4j8rmIU0cdtrljg2GaxNGC1kc9kjfDByA0pBDzCRZOzieI-6ze9gkrU3XkunVB2pspvvjRfR5TswhqKd0XfKoBzB6SUKit2QNr7svRN3tuYQ/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBTEUUvNEXBU1lkNo7nm0665hxYsHT_72m4j8rmIU0cdtrljg2GaxNGC1kc9kjfDByA0pBDzCRZOzieI-6ze9gkrU3XkunVB2pspvvjRfR5TswhqKd0XfKoBzB6SUKit2QNr7svRN3tuYQ/s320/photo.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The skaters weren't this blurry in person.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<br />
This past Saturday night, the Men’s Roller Derby Association’s #5-ranked <a href="http://www.pugetsoundoutcastderby.com/" target="_blank">Puget Sound Outcast Derby</a> traveled to take on <a href="http://www.portlandmensrollerderby.com/" target="_blank">Portland Men’s Roller Derby</a>’s #7-ranked Bridgetown Menace. Puget Sound came into the bout undefeated this season with wins over #14 Deep Valley and unranked Southern Discomfort at the Big O. Portland was coming off a successful Spring Roll beating #6 Mass Maelstrom and #9 Race City before losing to #1 Your Mom.<br />
<br />
Bridgetown had never come within 100 points of beating Puget Sound’s travel team. That all changed Saturday night. Aside from a horrific start to the second half, Bridgetown outplayed Puget Sound. But, Puget Sound’s 99-0 run coming out of the locker room at the half proved insurmountable in their 242-199 victory.<br />
<br />
Puget Sound collected lead jammer on the first five jams to jump out to a 25-9 lead. Scott Slamilton, who led all jammers with 85 points, scored fifteen of those when Bridgetown jammer Shreddy Mercury picked up a back block. Bridgetown took the lead two jams later when Puget Sound jammer Speed Dealer committed a cut allowing Elysium to score a nineteen-point power jam.<br />
<br />
After picking up lead jammer on the next four jams, Puget Sound was up again 47-35 midway through the half. But, the lead didn’t last long thanks to four straight jams in the box for Puget Sound’s jammers. With 4:30 left in the first half, Bridgetown had their largest lead of the bout at 88-63. It didn’t last long. Despite strong power jam-killing defense by Bridgetown, jammers Quadzilla and Scott Slamilton jammed their way to a 94-92 Puget Sound halftime lead.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXn7iY4pyqVKIoveyr2MyyTvpDhePyLvBN0d7izddcJCHbDMcuj1UJL6hdJ0wAD4WVsvseO4OXMNYP8Jsc9VQiDfo7PqifOmjCfFJBytM3A35pBgacCz2D1HeSD6a3lqRkbX5fk-UnkRS5/s1600/photo+(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXn7iY4pyqVKIoveyr2MyyTvpDhePyLvBN0d7izddcJCHbDMcuj1UJL6hdJ0wAD4WVsvseO4OXMNYP8Jsc9VQiDfo7PqifOmjCfFJBytM3A35pBgacCz2D1HeSD6a3lqRkbX5fk-UnkRS5/s320/photo+(1).JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here Bridgetown (in purple) does something important while Puget Sound (in yellow) does something equally important. By the way, Urinal Gum is in need of a new photographer.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Miscues, sloppy play, and penalty trouble marred the start of the second half for Bridgetown. On the first jam, strong Puget Sound blocking kept Bridgetown’s Elysium from completing his initial pass and allowed Puget Sound’s jammer Dilly Dally to rack up 25 points. As the jam was ending, an exhausted Elysium cut two of his own skaters and was sent to the box. When Elysium was released from the box on the following jam, he passed the star to Bangers N Stache. Bangers kept getting knocked out and drawn back while he tried to put on the star pantie. He eventually put the pantie on while he was out of bounds and was whistled for an illegal procedure. This allowed Puget Sound’s Scott Slamilton to score a second-straight 25-point jam.<br />
<br />
Bangers N Stache began the third jam of the half still in the box. This allowed Speed Dealer to score a 20-0 jam. All told, Puget Sound earned lead on all of the first seven jams of the second half to take a commanding 193-92 lead with 18:30 left in the bout. Puget Sound used more Bridgetown penalty trouble to extend their lead to a game high 234-109 with thirteen minutes left. Puget Sound’s jammer Dilly Dally tallied a 25-0 power jam in there to add to his total of 80 for the game.<br />
<br />
It was only then that things began to click again for Bridgetown. In the final thirteen minutes, Bridgetown went on a 90-8 tear picking up lead jammer nine times to Puget Sound’s one. Included in that streak was a 20-0 final power jam by Shreddy Mercury, who led Bridgetown with 80 points. But, it was not enough. Puget Sound skated away with another victory over Bridgetown, 242-199.<br />
<br />
Puget Sound’s next sanctioned play will be at the <a href="http://quadfathers.blogspot.com/p/mohawk-valley-cup-2013.html" target="_blank">Mohawk Valley Cup</a> August 17th in New York. Bridgetown travels down to Ukiah, Cali. next to play Deep Valley and Drive-By City on August 24th.<br />
<br />
Jammer Stats:<br />
<br />
<b>Puget Sound (Lead – Total – In Box – Points) </b><br />
Scott Slamilton (5 – 10 – 5 – 85)<br />
Dilly Dally (4 – 10 – 3 – 80)<br />
Cory Pain (4 – 7 – 1 – 29)<br />
Speed Dealer (4 – 8 – 2 – 24)<br />
Quadzilla (2 – 4 – 0 – 20)<br />
Stan DaSide (1 – 1 – 0 – 4)<br />
Chuck Hendrick (0 – 1 – 0 – 0)<br />
<br />
<b>Bridgetown Menace (Lead – Total – In Box – Points)</b><br />
Shreddy Mercury (7 – 14 – 5 – 80)<br />
Bangers N Stache (3 – 7 – 3 – 55)<br />
Elysium (5 – 12 – 4 – 42)<br />
Bruce Payne (2 – 7 – 0 – 20)<br />
Demolition Man (1 – 1 – 0 – 2)<br />
Han Cholo (0 – 1 – 0 – 0)<br />
<br />
This recap is brought to you by lawn chairs. I wish I had one. It really would have been better than sitting on the floor like a moron. But, I never think ahead.<br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=636363&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=urigum-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=B006QR1IT8" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe>
Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-8054326688649977002013-06-13T16:38:00.002-07:002013-06-13T16:40:45.135-07:00A Visit to the Telephone Pioneer Museum<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The kid is out of school, so it is my parental duty to make sure he
doesn't rot his brains away on <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/UrinalGum" target="_blank">YouTube videos</a> and various toys he leaves on the
floor to fuck-up my feet. I originally planned to take him to a robotics lab up
in Corvallis, but that trip was delayed. Then, we were going to play disc golf,
but it rained. And, the strip clubs are starting to catch wise to my ruse
of him being my "seeing eye kid." Consequently, we ended up going to
the Telephone Pioneer Museum in downtown Eugene.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Telephone Pioneer Museum is located at
975 Oak St. on the ground floor of a building that has served as home for a
revolving door of phone companies. Initially, it was one of the Bell companies,
then it became Qwest. Now, it is home to CenturyLink. The museum is open for
the slimmest of hours (Thursdays 10am to 2pm) pretty much assuring no one will
ever visit. During the 45 minutes we were there, there were no other patrons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As the old lady (I'm just going to assume
her name is Gladys) told me between her solitaire play and bites of her
homemade sandwich, the museum pretty much functions as a disposal for obsolete
equipment. They get a couple donations here and there, but most of the exhibits
came from "upstairs."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are operator boards, phone booths,
examples of the evolution of the phone, line testers, diagnostic devices,
lineman belts and hooks, and ZERO cellular telephones, unless you count the old
timey <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001VTM40I/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B001VTM40I&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">bag phone</a>. Gladys told me that those used to be quite the status symbol.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXkoWPW4qJ9XzBrDzS1rxebncBvooLM3x2GWhltmHkMvn7R0XPq9HVzqpqEU3ErAzZ3kwp1xKdGPy2UcAzxfptjCE8_K8PfNf__EdAqjp8b4_pX4k5Ww9f5PoFEcXbCwrHUNy69IPKZIhL/s1600/7895_10100931186312076_431528690_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXkoWPW4qJ9XzBrDzS1rxebncBvooLM3x2GWhltmHkMvn7R0XPq9HVzqpqEU3ErAzZ3kwp1xKdGPy2UcAzxfptjCE8_K8PfNf__EdAqjp8b4_pX4k5Ww9f5PoFEcXbCwrHUNy69IPKZIhL/s320/7895_10100931186312076_431528690_n.jpg" width="238" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This IS not an operator's board. Gladys will have you know this was for diagnostic testing of the lines, and you are welcome to finger the knobs.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Gladys was very nice and helpful, but she
seemed to assume we had no knowledge of anything prior to the year 2000.
Perhaps, it’s how they get people to volunteer to run the museum: they think
they are preserving a time in history when people would get pissed off when
they had to dial a 9 on the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0093JDNYY/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0093JDNYY&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">rotary</a>. Keeping the museum open is an important role: people must remember things such as pay phones (which still
exist despite what old codgers say). Gladys said 37 college students
piled into one of the phone booths on display, but I got her to admit it was
not true.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">A
plus at the Telephone Pioneer Museum is that you absolutely, positively can
touch everything. I thought Gladys was being a saucy old girl, ‘til the kid
started messing around with stuff, and I realized I had free reign. There were tools everywhere that could be jabbed into machines to create
spectacular messes. The kid had a blast! From the pristine shape the exhibits
were in, others clearly saw this as a polite invitation to explore and not a
challenge to decimate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">My
favorite parts were the replicas of the very first phone and receiver used by
Alexander Graham Bell and that one guy Bell wanted to come here and see him. It
was also interesting looking at really old phone books with phone numbers that
didn’t make any sense.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I
strongly recommend the Telephone Pioneer Museum to really old people and to
kids. The old people will love to go on for hours about how the young people
don’t know anything about the past because we didn’t live through it, and there
is no possible way to encapsulate prior history on the internet. Kids will love
to smash stuff and ask Gladys stupid questions. Both are free between 10 and 2
on Thursdays when useful people are working and the unemployed are sleeping.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Today's blog post is brought to you by the iPhone 4, which provided you with the picture above and outperformed every one of those damn phones in the museum. Seriously, none of the phones they had could take a picture. What's the point?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=urigum-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=B004ZLV5UE" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe>
Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-63228242634738053382013-06-12T16:03:00.001-07:002013-06-12T16:03:08.527-07:00Playskool: My First VlogSince it is becoming increasingly clear people prefer to watch things rather than read them, I am going to post the occasional vlog (short for "vagina monologue"). I'm kind of new to the vlog scene, so please be sure to mock me mercilessly while you still can. After all, destructive criticism is the most sincere form of criticism.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyway, to kick things off, I (that is my mug you're seeing) am reading a passage from <i>Urinal Gum #9</i>. I only recently learned how to read, so I make a few mistakes. I'm hoping down the road I'll figure out how to edit. I don't do anything magical with my face during this, so feel free to just listen and enjoy the Michigan accent.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/PLw7-D8DvJY" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Today's vlog is brought to you by the Neti pot. I'm gonna let you in on a little ancient secret: For millions of years yogis have used the Neti pot to help them through Eugene's pollen-packed summers. In fact, my use of the Neti pot made it possible for me to go without a Kleenex for five full minutes. This allowed me to create the fine piece of art show above. I recommend the snot out of Neti pots:<br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=urigum-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=B000OLEC6I" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe>
Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-25408068667770586222013-06-11T16:02:00.002-07:002013-06-13T17:06:12.184-07:00Top Ten Tuesday: Annoying Things People Post on FacebookOn the West Coast, it is fashionable to be late to everything. People just don't seem to understand how time works. Consequently, when I make appointments with people, I inevitably end up waiting for them, since my Midwest upbringing necessitates that I be at least fifteen minutes early every time. Of course, I never remember to bring a book to read while waiting. Instead, I resort to pressing the happy buttons of my iPhone to view Facebook and kill time. Within seconds, I come across examples of the following and vow to always have a book on me in the future.<br />
<div>
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<div>
Here are the ten most annoying things people post on Facebook. </div>
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<div>
<b>10. Near-nude self portraits.</b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Thank <a href="http://www.venganza.org/" target="_blank">Flying Spaghetti Monster</a> Facebook doesn't allow nudity. Otherwise, we'd have to see way too much of our "Friends." Nonetheless, whether they are attention whores or some poor fat slob who just lost two pounds and wants to flaunt it, many people don't seem to have a filter. In a lot of cases, these pictures are the equivalent of the old-fashioned "do you notice anything different about me?" Only, now there is less clothing, and you don't have to point out that you don't in fact notice anything different.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>9. Food pictures.</b></div>
<div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgL7WK8B2h2vvNX91K7epVUvR-uhm9cx8VOTV22X2CIYnTa9qhJ9_la5ZuOBW-S05Arf5Dsv_XAzHokC0kUVOtz8ztjuqDLU1dsEjeyJzkeks6Hiz6Gj8ptQCcd02ZH8247mIt1pNQjqFT/s1600/turkeypicture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgL7WK8B2h2vvNX91K7epVUvR-uhm9cx8VOTV22X2CIYnTa9qhJ9_la5ZuOBW-S05Arf5Dsv_XAzHokC0kUVOtz8ztjuqDLU1dsEjeyJzkeks6Hiz6Gj8ptQCcd02ZH8247mIt1pNQjqFT/s320/turkeypicture.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Great work. You've found a way to get fatter. Want a cookie?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
I am well aware that food is required to stay alive, and it is one of the human races' most basic needs. But, you get the most out of food if you eat it, not by posting pictures of it on Facebook. It's really a form of bragging. "Hey, look at this tasty filet mignon I have! Enjoy your tasteless sub there, Jared!" Food pictures are also used by fat people to show they really do just have a thyroid problem: "Here's this delicious and nutritious quinoa salad I made. I don't know why I'm fat." Of course, they don't show you the pound of bacon they use to wash it down.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>8. The Most Interesting Man in the World Meme.</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmm_2SoBnU1Frmoa_5eon2xYftqIyLdta-e39paIq2myhq6E7Zd6RwQv7-G-I_1SZ8cX4ehfPx2WmNTGDXawfIVJSA1t_uPJLC5mgX6GyxFTtvefbLmslNIjHm9M5VP5RYnx9JlPT6bZHM/s1600/uninteresting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmm_2SoBnU1Frmoa_5eon2xYftqIyLdta-e39paIq2myhq6E7Zd6RwQv7-G-I_1SZ8cX4ehfPx2WmNTGDXawfIVJSA1t_uPJLC5mgX6GyxFTtvefbLmslNIjHm9M5VP5RYnx9JlPT6bZHM/s1600/uninteresting.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div>
"I don't always ____ , but when I do, I ______________." That's the formula for some people's idea of humor. It is particularly disgusting because it is based off of someone trying to sell something, and it is now officially uninteresting. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>7. Pictures of Purchases.</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Along with pictures of food and near-nude pictures, this is commonly used for bragging purposes. To me, though, all I see is a consumer whore: "Look at what I was able to buy!" Kind of falling within this same category are the posts about what people want to buy. Maybe if you post that you want a Lamborghini a certain number of times, some CEO will shoot one out of his ass for you.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>6. Facebook activism.</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
For when you care enough to do the very least. Whether it's sharing an article about how bad global warming is (hint: posting about anything on the internet is worse for the environment than doing nothing) or how we need to stop Obama from taking ours guns, Facebook activists typically do little for their cause. Here's how it works: Jane sees a video or reads an article that leads her to action. Since she is already on Facebook, she posts about it. Thinking that she's done something to help the cause, she can now relax because she's fought the good fight: no need for further action.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>5. Hoaxes.</b></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigE5rGCdhKLHxlUqMnHnhk9gIUWMoE7sp2IwwrSKRpI406TKHtgaZ49zOepnq1y9zEwaEWQbEIV2etGPSjEFM7CxVhPLEGrrqaz4_C4z9c60IGWb9Zg1HxNYbIP1l71r2jTZRFLu_VWsDS/s1600/morgan-freeman-connecticut-shootings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigE5rGCdhKLHxlUqMnHnhk9gIUWMoE7sp2IwwrSKRpI406TKHtgaZ49zOepnq1y9zEwaEWQbEIV2etGPSjEFM7CxVhPLEGrrqaz4_C4z9c60IGWb9Zg1HxNYbIP1l71r2jTZRFLu_VWsDS/s400/morgan-freeman-connecticut-shootings.jpg" width="308" /></a></div>
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<div>
<a href="http://www.snopes.com/" target="_blank">Here's a link you should bookmark</a> and visit before sharing anything that riles you up. It's Snopes. They're pretty good at getting to the bottom of scams and hoaxes, so you don't end up with a jackass like me mocking you. The hoaxes tend to work best on issues that stir people's emotions. When emotions are high, the brain tends to cast off logic in favor of heuristics.<br />
<br />
<b>5.a. Chain Facebook Posts </b>- These are hoaxes for even dumber people. They usually play on the religious and are along the lines of "Share this if you are a true believer of Jesus Christ. Do not deny Him like Peter." Pro-tip: God doesn't really care what you share on Facebook.<br />
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<b>4. If I get One Million "Likes"...</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIrJsYcx9Ycc-w8Q4YBDADsbl6SfHJTR7X0uafslf5bmRuy4Q80M8FrjSAURjxGsHAAdjY2eerHBeGOLRQFug83Omq6XIFYD-eHw_ML1phkRnhRilSAi_JaTaCg4gNyFDqA_eYHG-NMyH-/s1600/mommy-says-if-we-get-likes-facebook-picture-630x472.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIrJsYcx9Ycc-w8Q4YBDADsbl6SfHJTR7X0uafslf5bmRuy4Q80M8FrjSAURjxGsHAAdjY2eerHBeGOLRQFug83Omq6XIFYD-eHw_ML1phkRnhRilSAi_JaTaCg4gNyFDqA_eYHG-NMyH-/s320/mommy-says-if-we-get-likes-facebook-picture-630x472.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
These also tend to fall into the hoax category though not always. Mostly, it's more attention whoring. These annoying posts are typically images of someone holding a sign that says, "If I get One Million "Likes," my friend's wife will blow me" or something to that effect. People actually "Like" and share this stuff!<br />
<br />
<b>3. Posts about television shows.</b><br />
<br />
<i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008CLI4N4/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B008CLI4N4&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Game of Thrones</a></i>, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CE4L28E/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00CE4L28E&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Arrested Development</a></i>, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060MYKYY/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060MYKYY&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Breaking Bad</a></i>, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009NH6AOQ/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B009NH6AOQ&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Walking Dead</a></i>, these are just recent examples of shows that clog the News Feed. I got a pro-tip for you folks. It is really easy to find on-line forums for people who share your fascination for a particular show. Yes, there are more resources out there besides Facebook. I recommend <a href="http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Do_a_something_search" target="_blank">doing a Something search</a> for these forums. Because, the rest of us, your Facebook "friends," all just kind of feel sorry for you.<br />
<br />
<b>2. <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Vaguebooking" target="_blank">Vaguebooking</a>.</b><br />
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I only hate this portmantombination slightly less than I hate the practice. Due to various life circumstances, I am friends with a fair amount of teenage girls on Facebook. "Vaguebooking" is a way of life for them. If they are slightly upset about something, one can expect to see a thinly-veiled post trying to draw comments or "Likes" or to just call a bitch out. Stuff like, "U think ur hot shit but u rly aint shit!!!! U wanna see the real bitch look in da meer!!!!" For us adults, it's just a friendly reminder of how batshiat crazy teenagers are.<br />
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<b>1. Pictures with Uncreative Quasi-Motivational Words.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizMrACw0VXSwlAYwOmc_C83qY5PgThde5zin1bbm9o_fwVCUeZ8seEIkvzgYOFs4a2n_cKaES6gwAJClhqT5g-yTBuTBi56kr5Mho2Dq67u4oS_X3c5l0uN5vEZe4HLCp44KqWC0loIqJZ/s1600/wordpicture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizMrACw0VXSwlAYwOmc_C83qY5PgThde5zin1bbm9o_fwVCUeZ8seEIkvzgYOFs4a2n_cKaES6gwAJClhqT5g-yTBuTBi56kr5Mho2Dq67u4oS_X3c5l0uN5vEZe4HLCp44KqWC0loIqJZ/s320/wordpicture.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And, ignore the rude little flower trying to interrupt my message.</td></tr>
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Looking at my News Feed, it appears I am "friends" with many rail yards-worth of emotional train wrecks. I believe they have all subscribed to the Suicide Prevention Slogan-of-the-Day Club because I see way too many somewhat motivational slogan images. I'm not quite sure why the words can't just stand on their own. Maybe as a society, we've nurtured such a disdain for reading that we now need to put the words on an image if we hope to ever have anyone read them. I don't know. I just know that if I see an image that is predominately covered in words, there's nothing interesting to be gleaned from it.<br />
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Well, now that you know how inane your Facebook posts are, hopefully you will step up your game and make your friends' News Feeds more interesting.<br />
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And, as always, please let me know what you find annoying about Facebook users below. I'll be sure to pass your gripes along to the proper authorities.</div>
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</script>Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-62155004752306111132013-06-06T14:55:00.002-07:002013-06-06T14:55:55.373-07:00Book Review: "The Shack"<i>Editor's Note: Every Thursday, I plan on reviewing a work of art in order to force some culture into you dolts. The art may take the form of a book, a movie, an album, or a restaurant. If there is something you would like me to review, please send it my way, and I will gladly mock it for a large fee.</i><br />
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Every once in a while, a book comes along that completely changes your views of the world. <i>The Shack</i> is one of those books. When I was in my teens, my grandpa gave me a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1433524767/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1433524767&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Bible</a><span id="goog_9904360"></span><span id="goog_9904361"></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/"></a>. I read the thing thinking it would be boring, like the few times I went to church. But, it turned out to be fascinating with the detailed talk of sex, menstruation, and carpentry. It turned me Christian. And, I remained Christian for about a decade, then I read <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307474275/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0307474275&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">The Da Vinci Code</a></i> and learned that not everything in the Bible was actually true. Only the stuff in <i>The Da Vinci Code</i> was actually true. Now, I know <i>The Da Vinci Code</i> lied, and only <i>The Shack</i> is the true immutable word of God.</div>
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<b>The Plot</b></div>
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<i>The Shack </i>is a true story about Mack Phillips's trials and tribulations as he deals with his daughter's death and meeting God. The author is friends with Mack in real life and makes appearances in the book as "Gun-Crazy Willie." Mack and his family go camping in Northeast Oregon. While there, two of his older kids start fucking around and before they know it, they're drowning in a lake. Mack goes to save them leaving his youngest daughter Missy alone for any pedophile in the middle of the woods to snatch her up. And, a pedophiliac serial killer in the middle of the woods does just that. They never find the body, but they're pretty sure she was murdered in some derelict cabin, or small house, because they find her blood there.<br />
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Anyway, each member of Mack's family thinks they're at fault for Missy's death. They get all depressed and stop getting along. One day, Mack hits his head and gets a note from God telling him to visit the isolated dwelling where Missy's body was found. So, he goes there, and come to find out, the lodging is actually where God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost live. Mack discovers that God is really an indecisive tranny, who can't choose between being a big black woman or a dude. Jesus is actually a lot whiter than his Middle Eastern heritage would suggest. And, the Holy Ghost is some Chinese lady. They all tell Mack about the secrets of the universe, and they make him forgive the guy who killed his daughter.<br />
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When Mack gets bored with hanging out with God, he leaves the shanty and is immediately hit by a drunk driver. When he comes to, he's able to miraculously show the authorities where his daughter's remains are hidden, which helps them capture the "Little Ladykiller." Then, they all live happily ever after.<br />
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<b>My Thoughts on <i>The Shack</i></b><br />
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Going into this book as an atheist, I had my reservations. What could anyone tell me? I already know there is no God, and I hate Him. But, when I realized I was reading a true story with irrefutable proof that God exists (if God doesn't exist, how did Mack lead the police to his daughter's body?); it finally removed the wool from over my eyes to help me recognize thine Shepherd.<br />
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<i>The Shack</i> provides explanations for why God does terrible things. I didn't really understand God's reasoning, but Mack did, and Mack's fucking daughter was killed. So, if he is able to understand it, then that's good enough for me. I don't even have a daughter!<br />
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One might read the book and think, "Mack and the author are lying to us! Mack did not meet God!" But, the description are so vivid that there is no possible way anyone could have made it up. Plus, Jesus talks in parables just like in the Bible. Who would talk in parables if they weren't Jesus?<br />
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<b>My Recommendation</b><br />
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I strongly recommend <i>The Shack</i> to all atheists, Jews, cyclists, and readers. This is the shot in the arm everyone's faith could use. It should come right after Revelations in the Bible and should be renamed "Mack" because <i>The Shack </i>doesn't really seem like a fitting name.</div>
Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-56959121636371308612013-06-05T18:12:00.003-07:002013-06-12T13:37:33.636-07:00Lawyers and Doctors Must Go to School Forever. Why Not Politicians?<b>The Problem: Politicians Are Stupid and Corrupt</b><br />
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Most politicians are required to weigh in on a variety of topics they know nothing about. And, between campaigning, listening to their constituents, sexual indiscretions, covering up those sexual indiscretions, and appeasing their largest financial backers; they don't really have time to study all angles of an issue. This leads to even our most devoted and well-meaning elected officials making uninformed decisions. All of this assumes the politician has his heart in the right place and wants to do what is best for his citizenry. This is rarely the case.<br />
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Money controls the government. Cash is considered free speech, so those with money have more of a voice than the average thrift store shopper. Anyone running for office in the United States needs two things: money and a hunger for power. Neither of these are good leadership qualities. You can see the problems the rich and power hungry are causing in Washington DC. You can see these problems by looking out your window. The all-mighty dollar trumps citizen's health and the environment in importance. There's got to be a better way.<br />
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<b>The Solution: PhD in Public Service</b><br />
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For every other high-paying specialized job, a certain level of education is required. Lawyers have to complete seven or eight years of higher education. It's even more for medical doctors. Yet, to make decisions for your city, state, or even the entire country; there are no education requirements. The only requirements seem to be, as stated above, money and a hunger for power (and perhaps attaining a specific age and citizenship.)<br />
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I propose we hold lawmakers to the same standards we expect from those who interpret the laws. We need Schools of Public Service.<br />
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<b>How It Works: The First Draft of an Idea</b><br />
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Like with other degrees, the amount of schooling required should correlate with the level of the political office sought. In other words, a city/county elected position would require a Bachelor's Degree in Public Service. Positions within the state government might require a Master's Degree. And, to work in Washington DC, nothing less than a Public Service PhD will do.<br />
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The courses of study will be like Civics/Government classes on steroids. Typical liberal arts courses will also be required, but they will have a focus on public service. Some preliminary thoughts on class requirements:<br />
<ul>
<li>Hard science courses: including reading and interpreting peer-reviewed journal articles</li>
<li>Sociology</li>
<li>History</li>
<li>US Foreign Policy</li>
<li>Bill Crafting</li>
<li>Interacting with and Understanding Constituents</li>
<li>Theory of Law</li>
<li>Conflict Resolution</li>
<li>Economics</li>
<li>Warfare and Killing</li>
<li>Ethics</li>
<li>Required volunteer hours</li>
<li>Service project</li>
<li>Internship</li>
</ul>
Paying for this much schooling will guarantee the future office holder isn't rich anytime soon. If the candidate is driven by a hunger for power, their hunger will be directed in a more socially acceptable way as they complete these classes geared toward social responsibility. And, ignorance will be less prevalent once we can assure these politicians have received the right education.<br />
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<b>Problems with the Solution</b><br />
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<i>The above is all well and good, but how do we keep politicians out of the pockets of corporations and other wealthy donors?</i><br />
The simple solution is to outlaw it. Campaign contributions will be split evenly from public funding.<br />
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<i>But, what about the two-party system? </i><br />
Outlaw it. I believe we should outlaw any third-party-funded (this includes political parties, corporations, and individuals) campaigning for specific candidates. Candidates need to stand on their own and not with the Rs or Ds following their names.<br />
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<i>But, aren't a lot of politicians given cushy executive jobs as a reward for their service to various businesses while in office?</i><br />
Outlaw it. Once a politician has served, he may not hold a position in a company that directly benefited from his time in office.<br />
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<i>But, doesn't this rule out the common man, the Joe Nobody from running for office?</i><br />
Yes, but that's no different from what we currently have. Instead of valuing money and power, the new politicians will presumably value serving their constituents.<br />
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<i>This still doesn't change the education level of the average voter. Aren't voters still going to make poor decisions?</i><br />
Yes. I have a lot of possible solutions for this, but it is beyond the scope of this article. I will be sure to write about this soon enough.<br />
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<b>What Other Problems Do You See with the Above?</b><br />
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Don't like my solution? Think it's unrealistic? Please let me know what you think would improve upon it in the comments below.<br />
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Today's post is brought to you by Howard Zinn's "A People's History of the United States," which should be required reading for all politicians:<br />
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-16664611231782318642013-06-04T16:45:00.002-07:002013-06-12T13:30:31.051-07:00Top Ten Tuesday: Best Movies You Haven't Seen<i><b>Editor's Note</b>: Every Tuesday, I will publish a completely arbitrary top ten list. I do this because it generally draws more traffic to a website by stimulating well-reasoned discussion on important topics affecting our everyday lives. All of these lists are based on at least one hour of research.</i><br />
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Before making bold statements about certain movies being "the best" or whether or not you have viewed them, I think it may be best to reveal my research methods. First of all, I scientifically brainstormed a list of twenty movies I really like that I've never heard anyone else talk about. I then stepped into my laboratory, where I did a quick-and-dirty <a href="http://www.imdb.com/" target="_blank">IMDB</a> search for how many users had reviewed the movies. To my surprise, people had actually watched these movies. Apparently, they just weren't talking to me about them. Those movies that had the most ratings were removed from the list to reduce the likelihood that you'd seen them. The remaining ten were arranged in ascending order based on how much I like them and their social significance. Now, I can show you the goddamn list.<br />
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<b>10. Myra Breckinridge (1970)</b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00018D3YQ/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00018D3YQ&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00018D3YQ&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00018D3YQ" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /><br />
Based on a novel by Gore Vidal, <i>Myra Breckinridge</i> is about a dude named Myron who goes through a sex-change operation to become the title character (played by Raquel Welch). She then moves to Hollywood with the hopes of becoming a star (or at least getting half of her uncle's estate, which is rightfully hers through inheritance.) This movie is campy as all hell and smartly-written. Mae West's performance as saucy septuagenarian acting agent is marvelous, and you may recognize one of her clients as an unmustachioed Tom Selleck.<br />
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<b>9. The Lifestyle (1999)</b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000059HDP/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000059HDP&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000059HDP&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000059HDP" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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<i>The Lifestyle</i> is probably the most obscure movie on this list. It is a documentary about swingers in America. They visit swingers nights held at private residences, where everyone brings a dish to pass and makes sexual jokes about the phallic meats. They talk to people who had bad experiences with the lifestyle (hint: they were younger than everyone.) And, they go to a swingers convention. That being said, the movie is full of ugly old people having sex. One finds himself wondering what might have to go wrong in his life for him to end up with a room devoted solely to gang bangs, which are talked about in an eerily nonchalant way. I've viewed this movie three times...mostly because I wanted to see how others would react to it. It's always eyes glued to the screen with a disgusted look glued to the face.<br />
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<b>8. Jubilee (1978)</b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00008RH14/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00008RH14&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00008RH14&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00008RH14" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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The best adjective for <i>Jubilee</i> is "punk rock." It is a near-futuristic look at Britain in which nihilism, feral kids, and murder are commonplace. This is another campy film. It is full of bad acting and is fairly confusing at times. But, the music is pretty entertaining, and the imagery is striking. And, call me an activist, but I enjoy movies that try to get the viewer to recognize that we, as a human race, are on a highway to hell or a train to nowhere (maybe a monorail to North Korea?)<br />
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<b>7. Parents (1989)</b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00000ILCW/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00000ILCW&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00000ILCW&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00000ILCW" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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Growing up, my dad would grill up a metric shit-ton of meat each night, and I'd gobble it right up. Then, one night, they thought it would be a good idea to show their ten-year-old a movie about parents who made their kid eat human meat harvested from cadavers at the father's work. I continued to eat massive amounts of meat after watching the movie. Now that I have a ten-year-old, I purchased this movie and made him watch it. Kids are so trusting.<br />
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<b><a href="http://youtu.be/wfglzsgahSA" target="_blank">6. Shivers (aka "They Came From Within") (1975)</a></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/6305090343/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=6305090343&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=6305090343&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=6305090343" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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This was one of David Cronenberg's first full-length films. If you are not familiar with Cronenberg, you betta <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000343/?ref_=tt_ov_dr" target="_blank">recognize</a>. <i>Shivers</i> is about these parasites that take over this high-rise apartment building by turning everyone into sex fiends, who in turn transmit the disease via intercourse. So, one might see it as a metaphor for the spread of AIDS. I don't know. I do know that it is nice and cheesy, as all good horror movies should be. <br />
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<b>5. Forbidden Zone (1982)</b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002LE9QS/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0002LE9QS&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B0002LE9QS&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0002LE9QS" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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If you are easily offended, steer clear of this work of art. <i>Forbidden Zone</i> is racist, sexist, homophobic, and visually captivating. Directed by Richard Elfman (of Oingo Boingo fame) and starring a satanic Danny Elfman (also of Oingo Boingo and creator of every good movie soundtrack ever made), the film is about a girl who enters the sixth dimension through a portal in the family basement and the family's attempts to rescue her. If you are able to have a sense of humor in the face of the extremely offensive, then this is the film for you.<br />
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<b><a href="http://youtu.be/f0funqJRIKs" target="_blank">4. Schizopolis (1996)</a></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000BUZKS/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0000BUZKS&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B0000BUZKS&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0000BUZKS" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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As the name suggests, this movie is schizophrenic. It jumps around a lot. There are scenes repeated in unsubtitled Japanese and French. And, some of the scenes in English are hard to understand because they are in code or they're simply describing what one might say in a particular situation: "Overly dramatic statement regarding upcoming meal." The story is basically about a speechwriter for a Scientology-like self-help company, and the stress he encounters, including finding out his wife is cheating on him with his doppelganger, as he prepares a big speech. This movie is beautiful in many ways.<br />
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<b><a href="http://youtu.be/jU1H4Vrafws" target="_blank">3. The Up Series (TV) (1964 to Present)</a></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CD6VY6S/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00CD6VY6S&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00CD6VY6S&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00CD6VY6S" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/"></a>Okay, so this is not a movie. It is kind of a TV series, though there are seven years between each episode. Anyway, it all started in 1964 with <i>Seven Up!</i>, a documentary about a group of British seven-year-olds from very different backgrounds. Seven years later, director Michael Apted came out with <i>7 Plus Seven</i>, detailing the same group of British children at age 14. Then, <i>21</i> followed seven years later and so on. Last year, Apted released <i>56 Up</i>. You develop a relationship with these people as you see them mature before your eyes.<br />
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<b><a href="http://youtu.be/q-E-fwcxsG4" target="_blank">2. Stroszek (1977)</a></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000059PPT/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000059PPT&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000059PPT&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000059PPT" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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<i>Stroszek</i> is one of Werner Herzog's lesser known works, yet it is incredibly powerful for many reason. Bruno Stroszek is released from prison in Germany and befriends a prostitute and an old man. Together, they set off for Wisconsin to pursue the American dream. From there, it is just one tragic situation after another. The main character is played by Bruno S., <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruno_s" target="_blank">whom you should read about</a>. As with Herzog's other films, you are left not knowing what to think as <i>Stroszek</i> walks the line between dark comedy and depressing drama.<br />
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<b><a href="http://youtu.be/1d2ml82lc7s" target="_blank">1. Hearts and Minds (1974)</a></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00006673L/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00006673L&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00006673L&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=urigum-20" ></a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=urigum-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00006673L" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important;" />
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<a href="http://www.pixeljoint.com/pixels/quotes.asp?pid=1105" target="_blank">Walter</a>'s buddies died face-down in the muck in Vietnam, so you could see this movie. Forget <i>Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now Redux</i>, and<i> Braddock: Missing in Action III;</i> this documentary is the best Vietnam movie ever made. Released while the US was on its way out of 'Nam, it gives an unflinching look at the war's impact on the families of the soldiers, the soldiers in combat, and those who were leading the war. After the film is over, it is clear to the viewer that the American people were sold a bill of goods. Kind of sounds like more recent wars, eh?<br />
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<i>Think other movies deserve to be in this list? Comment below to show us how wrong you are.</i>Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-33293148530063530562013-06-03T16:06:00.003-07:002013-06-12T12:54:32.398-07:00Emerald City Roller Girls Wrap Up Their 2013 Season This Saturday<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimhjcEXwZKLYgXTPXCOkwIXgt9U6BZKc_nzW2epaQkLcU7DCm-2TTL_2sSrDver4BmwKgimboxKmgjM1t3lGXOzAHGV3Te9jv5kT0sz71Ra23ybByI7pxWHsYlArzmUV5ikezWVWXSczLw/s1600/ecrg_season6_champ_v4fb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimhjcEXwZKLYgXTPXCOkwIXgt9U6BZKc_nzW2epaQkLcU7DCm-2TTL_2sSrDver4BmwKgimboxKmgjM1t3lGXOzAHGV3Te9jv5kT0sz71Ra23ybByI7pxWHsYlArzmUV5ikezWVWXSczLw/s320/ecrg_season6_champ_v4fb.jpg" width="206" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Official bout poster for Saturday's event. Turkey, Bacon, and Avocado cancelled on Church, so they are now playing a mash-up bout. <i>Poster courtesy of the Emerald City Roller Girls.</i></td></tr>
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<i><b>Editor's Note</b>: Every week or so, I will likely publish a roller derby article. If roller derby is not your cup of cake, then I strongly recommend you skip over these articles. I will be sure to warn you ahead of time that the article is about roller derby, so you can avoid wasting precious moments you could have spent looking at pictures of food on Facebook.</i><br />
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On the heels of a very successful Big O tournament last
month, the Emerald City Roller Girls' home teams prepare for the final bout of
the season. In the ECRG Championship, the four-time defending-champion Andromedolls will play the Flat Track Furies. The game takes place this
Saturday, June 8<sup>th</sup> at the Lane Events Center Performance Hall. As is
the case for all of ECRG's 2013 bouts, a portion of the proceeds from the bout will go to
Womenspace to help the victims of domestic violence.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Church versus Sk8in</b></div>
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The first bout on the docket this Saturday is a mash-up of
third-place Church of Sk8in, who finished winless in four home season bouts, and other ECRG skaters who are not playing in the
Championship game. It is billed as “Church versus Sk8in” because the teams are
primarily composed of Church of Sk8in skaters. This is the first time in four
years Church of Sk8in has not made it to the Championship bout. </div>
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Since they did not know for sure they were out of the Championship until April, Church had a hard time finding an opponent on such short notice. After having no luck searching the entire Pacific Northwest, they decided to put together this fun mash-up bout.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/72142_334101450045422_1942958845_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/72142_334101450045422_1942958845_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Crowd favorite Jala Pain Yo will take the track in Church vs. Sk8in this Saturday. <i>Photo by Jeff Boerio (rockinbdigital.com)</i>.</td></tr>
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<b>The Championship: Flat Track Furies versus the Andromedolls</b></div>
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The Championship bout will follow soon after the above game.
The Flat Track Furies and the Andromedolls have identical records this season
(three wins and one loss) and split the two bouts they played against each
other. In their first meeting, in the season opener, the Dolls squeaked by with a 153-142 victory. In April, the second contest was nowhere near as close. Despite being behind at halftime, the Furies dominated a bout closed to the public to win 258-150.</div>
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This Saturday, blocker extraordinaire <a href="http://www.examiner.com/article/2012-oregon-all-star-roller-derby-team-rex-havoc">Rex Havoc</a> makes her return to the Andromedolls. Former ECRG President Rex has not bouted with the Dolls since 2011. Last year, Rex played solely for the travel team. This year, she has been recovering from surgery. Her doctors cleared her to play just in time for the Championship bout. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/image_content_width/hash/3b/0c/3b0c5d78c7769642f606435ac8295799.jpg?itok=QlZHbj-s" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/image_content_width/hash/3b/0c/3b0c5d78c7769642f606435ac8295799.jpg?itok=QlZHbj-s" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rex Havoc, middle, assists two of her teammates on the travel team. <i>Photo by Jeff Boerio (rockinbdigital.com)</i>.</td></tr>
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This is the Furies’ first time to the Championship since 2009, when they narrowly lost to the Andromedolls.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Details</b></div>
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This will be the final chance to see the ECRG home teams in
action this year. There will be food,
beer, raffle prizes, and plenty of fun for the whole family. Fans will also
have the opportunity to meet and get pictures with the roller girls.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Tickets are still available. Your options from cheapest to most expensive:</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. Cheap Ticket Night! This Friday, June 7th from 4pm to 7pm at Emerald City Skates (23 E. 11th Ave.) get your tickets straight from a roller girl for $10.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. Stop in to the Redoux Parlour (780 Blair), Ninkasi (272 Van Buren), or Emerald City Skates during regular business hours for $12 tickets.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent;">3. Visit </span><a href="http://www.brownpapertickets.com/producerevent/382827" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: transparent; color: #3e72a7; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Brown Paper Tickets</a><span style="background-color: transparent;">.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4. Buy tickets at the door for $15 ($5 for kids 6-10, free for kids 5 and under).</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Can’t make it in person? Tune into the <a href="http://www.livestream.com/rolleraction" target="_blank">live video stream</a>. Doors open at 5, and the action starts at 6.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This article is brought to you by Gu, it keeps me going when I really ought to be sleeping:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=urigum-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=B000V8GLUY" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe>
Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-61357159840379712682013-05-31T13:33:00.000-07:002013-06-12T12:47:14.000-07:00I'm a Law-Breaking Cyclist and Proud of It!I have to confess something here: I do not always follow the laws while riding my bicycle. I also always ride in the road, and I have no problem yelling at motorists who yell at me. To me, a stop sign or light means yield and turn signals are optional for cyclists. And, I honestly don't care if this pisses off you lazy motorists.<br />
<br />
First, let me address the least controversial aspects of my above statement. The reason most motorists will yell at me is because I am in the road and may be slowing their roll to their <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0049HHZEE/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0049HHZEE&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">fatty feast restaurant</a> for the night. <a href="http://www.oregon.gov/ODOT/HWY/BIKEPED/docs/bike_ped_statutes_2008.pdf">Oregon law</a> is similar to most states in that cyclists are expected, and in many cases <i>required </i>locally (i.e. in downtown Eugene), to ride on the right side of the right lane of the road. Cyclists may venture into other lanes for the purpose of turning. This is done because it is dangerous for cyclists to ride on the sideWALK because motorists simply do not look for cyclists on the sidewalks and are likely to hit them. Consequently, when motorists yell "Get on the sidewalk!" at me, I'm likely to yell my stock response "Get a bike!" right back at them.<br />
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More angering to most writers of letters to editors is cyclists who don't obey the rules of the road. The main issue is cyclists running red lights and stop signs. And, though there are many reckless cyclists out there, for the most part, this anger is unfounded. My main justification for breaking the law is that the roads simply are not designed for cyclists. Per <a href="http://www.eugeneweekly.com/2011/07/21/coverstory.html">a 2011 Eugene Weekly article</a>, bicycles have a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modal_share">mode share</a> of 11% in Eugene, the highest in the nation for a city of its size. But, spending on bicycle transportation is only 2% of the total transportation budget. That's pretty low for a city that claims to be so progressive.<br />
<br />
This lack of spending is evident in such things as traffic signals that don't have sensors that recognize bikes. They are out there. I've waited at these lights for fives of minutes hoping a car would pull up and let the light know humans were waiting on it to turn green. Eventually, I am forced to break the law much to the detriment of society. More evidence is many traffic lights do not stay yellow long enough for most casual cyclists to safely get through before they turn red.<br />
<br />
There is institutional ignorance of cyclist safety that can be seen whenever there is construction: the first lane closed is the bicycle lane. They never close a motorists' lane and leave a bike lane open. Similarly, if motorists need to stop in the road for any reason, they always park in the bike lane rather than in a motorist lane. This forces cyclists into traffic. You can see this at any given moment on 5th Street in Eugene.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.everseradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/car-in-bike-laned4b_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.everseradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/car-in-bike-laned4b_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Image courtesy of everseradio.com.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Though it falls in the "just because everyone else does it, doesn't mean you should" category, it is also worth mentioning that motorists rarely complete an entire car ride without breaking the law. I've had my life endangered because motorists failed to use their turn signals, were busy illegally using their stupid phones, or they just plain decided to stop inappropriately because they thought they were being "courteous." These motorists never received a citation for their behavior.<br />
<br />
These things taken into consideration, I take the law into my own hands while cycling. The law does not protect me, so I have to protect myself and play by my own rules. I like to think of myself as an incredibly lame <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00598O9Q4/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00598O9Q4&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Charles Bronson</a> when I'm on my bike.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I've adopted a One-Block Rule: if there are no motorists, pedestrians, or bikes who have the right-of-way within one block of me, I will run a red light. </li>
<li>I will not come to a complete stop at stop signs unless I have to, though I will yield to those within yielding distance, in order to get through the intersection more quickly. </li>
<li>I will only use my turn signals when it is safe for me to do so. </li>
</ul>
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I like to think my judgement is sound in the above unorthodox methods. I bike around 75 miles per week on average and have only had one major accident: I was gawking and ran into a concrete pillar and broke my hand. No cars were involved. Even if I were to get in an accident with a car, who do you think would take the brunt of it?</div>
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Finally, all of this is irrelevant because cyclists have the moral high ground.</div>
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<ul>
<li>In a country full of fat lards, cyclists are choosing the healthier alternative.</li>
<li>With fossil fuels choking our skies, cyclists are choosing transportation that is clean and reducing our reliance on fossil fuels.</li>
<li>With car crashes killing more Americans than guns, cyclists are choosing safer transportation.</li>
<li>With Americans in more debt than ever before, cyclists are riding on the cheap.</li>
</ul>
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And, the list goes on. In these ways, the worst, most despicable cyclist has the moral superiority over the Prius carpooler. </div>
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If you don't like it, I strongly suggest you sell your car and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&keywords=bicycle&linkCode=ur2&qid=1371066182&rh=n%3A3404721%2Ck%3Abicycle&rnid=2941120011&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">hop on a bike</a>.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXDR4lxbr2Xa1hRtOs2BOWqCzDvc40LuYqYEDkvLNkcfuYBoBebUMhgx-VqDjBnYu_AZdTsNvopWivYwWOplBA30opSJ2KcmjBp0K8z58kBLFIKKZYWpZOLYEBfTu7eSeZ9tPW2D7db_U/s640/bike-vs-car.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXDR4lxbr2Xa1hRtOs2BOWqCzDvc40LuYqYEDkvLNkcfuYBoBebUMhgx-VqDjBnYu_AZdTsNvopWivYwWOplBA30opSJ2KcmjBp0K8z58kBLFIKKZYWpZOLYEBfTu7eSeZ9tPW2D7db_U/s320/bike-vs-car.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Image maliciously stolen from endlessvelolove.blogspot.com</i>.</td></tr>
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Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-55466091558273615012013-05-30T15:20:00.002-07:002013-06-12T12:41:19.211-07:00Righter's BloqueYou may be under the impression from my previous post that I would generally refrain from being self-referential in this blog. You may have also assumed I have a bottomless well of ideas begging to burst forth from my brain to splatter all over your screen. I would like to take this opportunity to make it clear that I will not apologize for these assumption mistakes you made. I cannot be held responsible for any impressions, assumptions, expectations, fancies, guesses, or especially presuppositions you conjure from reading what I write.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtuXnTnUCdr9uneGTpaLiYlvKZuNmJU8Gb-T-WWtbNOAUdkEMKJ62ag1Geje2wI17xc3XSzihj__bN_Ue-6LXvbFsuBpK8vA3n03bmGJMcOCIBsbVy82L4vsFiBxcu8ytNGDtqFYNp3WHK/s1600/notsorry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtuXnTnUCdr9uneGTpaLiYlvKZuNmJU8Gb-T-WWtbNOAUdkEMKJ62ag1Geje2wI17xc3XSzihj__bN_Ue-6LXvbFsuBpK8vA3n03bmGJMcOCIBsbVy82L4vsFiBxcu8ytNGDtqFYNp3WHK/s320/notsorry.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I tell you this because I currently suffer from what every great writer experiences at some point in their career: writer's block. Writer's block, <span style="font-family: inherit;">or <i><span _mstdst="0_0:7" _mstsrc="0_0:7" class="" id="Dst[0][0:7:0:7]" style="white-space: pre-wrap;">rašytojo</span><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></i><span _mstdst="0_9:16" _mstsrc="0_9:13" class="" id="Dst[0][9:13:9:16]" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>blokuoti</i> as the Lithuanians call it</span></span><span _mstdst="0_9:16" _mstsrc="0_9:13" class="" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;">,</span> is a disease most common among lazy thinkers and the uninspired. Though nobody knows its etiology, writer's block can be transmitted sexually to men from women or other men but cannot be transmitted to women. It is a disease just like any other, except it goes away pretty quickly and easily without any treatment.<br />
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That said, there are treatments:<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Change your writing environment.</b> Grabbing a pint at the local dive bar may be just the shot in the arm your writing needs, and Ol' Stubby George at the bar there is full of stories you can plunder. </li>
<li><b>Read inspirational works.</b> Dust off that <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307474275/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0307474275&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Dan Brown novel</a> you enjoy or pick up your favorite James Frey. Let their words cause your fingers to seizure across the keyboard...with harsh criticism for all they represent.</li>
<li><b>Free word association.</b> Write a bunch of random words one at a time on notecards. Then, mix the cards up. Write the first thing that comes to your mind when you look at each card. It is believed that Dickens used the Notecard Method to write <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0486406512/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0486406512&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">A Tale of Two Cities</a></i>. He saw a notecard with the word "Blue" and BAM! He was off to the races.</li>
<li><b>Do lots of drugs</b>. Bath salts, squeeze, crank, glass, hammer, chainsaw: they're all good for inspiring writing.</li>
<li><b>Commit suicide.</b> Hemingway chose this one. I'm not sure how helpful it was because he didn't really write much after that.</li>
</ul>
Anyway, after trying none of these treatments, I am still having trouble coming up with writing ideas. Sure, writer's block is common, but it is rare for it to come so early in the launch of a blog. You would think going into launching a blog, the author would have plenty of articles lined up to entertain and woo his audience. And, I can assure you I did have plenty of ideas of how to come up with plans, but I cannot over-stress the importance of writing these things down before you forget them, especially if you are doing lots of drugs in hopes of combating future writer's block!<br />
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So, the above said, I would like to apologize for assumption mistakes you may have made due to others in my blogging field leading you on to believe that all bloggers start blogs with lots of ideas for keeping you consistently entertained. All other bloggers lied to you. I'm sorry for your naivete.<br />
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Lastly, I would like to blame my sponsors and their absence. If I had <a href="http://www.amazon.com/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&linkCode=ur2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">sponsors or partners</a> or whatever phrase we may use for them to make it sound like we're not trying to trick you into buying shit you don't need, I would be able to write great things about them. But, no companies have stepped up with their wallets open to keep my expecting wife nourished and this blog afloat.<br />
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Sure, you may be armchair criticizing my tactics: "Brains, this is only your second blog post. What kind of company would want to sponsor this crap?" To you I say: this is the 21st Century, and we are all entitled to whatever we want irrespective of how little effort we put forth. Look at how many "Likes" I get on my Facebook status updates (<a href="https://www.facebook.com/jamesbrains55/posts/10100907243798066?notif_t=like">16</a>). People really care what I have to say. People pay attention to what I do. Therefore, I should just get free money for pasting a couple words together.<br />
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That said, I forgive you all. And, I will continue on with this blog despite the writer's block and reader misconceptions. So, if you would like to sponsor me and my wife, who is now eating cake for two; please contact <a href="mailto:jamesbrains55@gmail.com">jamesbrains55@gmail.com</a> . You can also use that email for any other correspondences. Please do not email me between the hours of 11pm and 11am. I am sleeping at those times and am a VERY light sleeper.Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3328362425024254279.post-3139979512675450732013-05-29T15:00:00.000-07:002013-06-12T12:35:20.896-07:00Getting the Self-Indulgent, Self-Referential Post Out of the WayRoller derby is a cult. It has enveloped me for the past three-and-a-half years. This was also about the time <i>Urinal Gum</i> went down the drain. <i>Urinal Gum</i>, for the uninitiated, was/is a print and on-line 'zine that changed the way Americans (and some Belgians) viewed entertainment. As the name suggests, only men would get the jokes, yet many women purchased <i>Urinal Gum</i> t-shirts because irony was in fashion at the time. <i>Urinal Gum</i> was "popular" between 2008 until early 2010, when roller derby took over.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiklkD8wz-OqSruUM9IyxY8btRZXuTDnsDyRYOFNuTRWpmIj92THqEJcJstGSlB-DnrGPhUVDm3mdJzHj-5oDDFFQTqh9sbmv1sGQ2ntCG4TfyCyXO13svatnEHHQMo-I-LXJlYXzLybxIx/s1600/urinalgum9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiklkD8wz-OqSruUM9IyxY8btRZXuTDnsDyRYOFNuTRWpmIj92THqEJcJstGSlB-DnrGPhUVDm3mdJzHj-5oDDFFQTqh9sbmv1sGQ2ntCG4TfyCyXO13svatnEHHQMo-I-LXJlYXzLybxIx/s320/urinalgum9.jpg" width="250" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What <i>Urinal Gum</i> may look like. <i>Art by Krislyn Dillard.</i></td></tr>
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As roller derby took over my life, I found a way to combine my love of writing with my new-found love of people on wheels bashing into each other. There was little written about roller derby at the time I decided to toss my pen into the ring. I traveled all over the Northwest to apply my far-superior writing abilities and knowledge of sports logic and philosophy to this burgeoning sport for the newly-athletic.<br />
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My ceaseless writing gave people the crazy idea that I might be good at public relations and marketing work. So, I soon found myself doing PR for the Emerald City Roller Girls. I was so good at that I soon was in charge of PR for the Men's Roller Derby Association. And, before I knew it, I didn't get to do any writing at all.<br />
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I am starting this blog to get back to writing about what I want on a website that doesn't bombard you with commercials. Previously, I had a little writing gig with <a href="http://www.examiner.com/roller-derby-in-eugene/james-brains">the Examiner</a>. For every click, I got half a penny. That worked out to the equivalent of getting paid about 59 cents per hour of work. There is no money to be made writing about roller derby. But, as you can see from the Examiner site, there is money to be made in putting annoying advertisements on every square pixel of the screen. Sure, there will still be some ads on here, but the Examiner has got to be the worst. So, all of my roller derby writing that would have appeared on the Examiner in the past will now appear on <b><a href="http://urinalgum.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default">UrinalGum.blogspot.com</a></b>.<br />
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I chose to call this Urinal Gum in honor of my old 'zine because the name sticks, it represents what I want to do with this blog (write a hodgepodge of irreverent drivel), and my old domain of urinalgum.com was assuredly maliciously stolen by some sex perverts.<br />
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I currently am not employed in any job that pays money, so I will likely try to squeeze some money out of this to feed my wife, who is totes preg preg. So, if you see bizarre references to the cool refreshing taste of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001AIWAAE/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B001AIWAAE&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar</a>, know that there is one less starving pregger out there.<br />
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With this new blog, I am also open to whoring myself out to make a cheap buck. I will take requests for what to write about (and promptly ignore them). I will produce top ten lists that are clearly trolling for commenters to dispute my list (i.e. "ZOMG! I HATE you for saying <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00020HAV0/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00020HAV0&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">Cocoon</a></i> is the best romantic comedy ever! <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0001Z3TXE/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0001Z3TXE&linkCode=as2&tag=urigum-20" target="_blank">50 First Dates</a></i> is sooo much better! Fuck you!") Also, if you have a product you would like me to promote, I will gladly take your money and do a better job selling it than Lonesome Rhodes.<br />
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Anyway, I'm tired of writing now. If you need anything (back issues of <i>Urinal Gum</i>, a foot massage, someone to ignore your emails), please contact me at <a href="mailto:jamesbrains55@gmail.com">jamesbrains55@gmail.com</a>.Lansing Foodieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11797870267453136451noreply@blogger.com0