Thursday, June 6, 2013

Book Review: "The Shack"

Editor's Note: Every Thursday, I plan on reviewing a work of art in order to force some culture into you dolts. The art may take the form of a book, a movie, an album, or a restaurant. If there is something you would like me to review, please send it my way, and I will gladly mock it for a large fee.
Every once in a while, a book comes along that completely changes your views of the world. The Shack is one of those books. When I was in my teens, my grandpa gave me a Bible. I read the thing thinking it would be boring, like the few times I went to church. But, it turned out to be fascinating with the detailed talk of sex, menstruation, and carpentry. It turned me Christian. And, I remained Christian for about a decade, then I read The Da Vinci Code and learned that not everything in the Bible was actually true. Only the stuff in The Da Vinci Code was actually true. Now, I know The Da Vinci Code lied, and only The Shack is the true immutable word of God.

The Plot

The Shack is a true story about Mack Phillips's trials and tribulations as he deals with his daughter's death and meeting God. The author is friends with Mack in real life and makes appearances in the book as "Gun-Crazy Willie." Mack and his family go camping in Northeast Oregon. While there, two of his older kids start fucking around and before they know it, they're drowning in a lake. Mack goes to save them leaving his youngest daughter Missy alone for any pedophile in the middle of the woods to snatch her up. And, a pedophiliac serial killer in the middle of the woods does just that. They never find the body, but they're pretty sure she was murdered in some derelict cabin, or small house, because they find her blood there.

Anyway, each member of Mack's family thinks they're at fault for Missy's death. They get all depressed and stop getting along. One day, Mack hits his head and gets a note from God telling him to visit the isolated dwelling where Missy's body was found. So, he goes there, and come to find out, the lodging is actually where God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost live. Mack discovers that God is really an indecisive tranny, who can't choose between being a big black woman or a dude. Jesus is actually a lot whiter than his Middle Eastern heritage would suggest. And, the Holy Ghost is some Chinese lady. They all tell Mack about the secrets of the universe, and they make him forgive the guy who killed his daughter.

When Mack gets bored with hanging out with God, he leaves the shanty and is immediately hit by a drunk driver. When he comes to, he's able to miraculously show the authorities where his daughter's remains are hidden, which helps them capture the "Little Ladykiller." Then, they all live happily ever after.

My Thoughts on The Shack

Going into this book as an atheist, I had my reservations. What could anyone tell me? I already know there is no God, and I hate Him. But, when I realized I was reading a true story with irrefutable proof that God exists (if God doesn't exist, how did Mack lead the police to his daughter's body?); it finally removed the wool from over my eyes to help me recognize thine Shepherd.

The Shack provides explanations for why God does terrible things. I didn't really understand God's reasoning, but Mack did, and Mack's fucking daughter was killed. So, if he is able to understand it, then that's good enough for me. I don't even have a daughter!

One might read the book and think, "Mack and the author are lying to us! Mack did not meet God!" But, the description are so vivid that there is no possible way anyone could have made it up. Plus, Jesus talks in parables just like in the Bible. Who would talk in parables if they weren't Jesus?

My Recommendation

I strongly recommend The Shack to all atheists, Jews, cyclists, and readers. This is the shot in the arm everyone's faith could use. It should come right after Revelations in the Bible and should be renamed "Mack" because The Shack doesn't really seem like a fitting name.

1 comment: