Getting the Self-Indulgent, Self-Referential Post Out of the Way

Roller derby is a cult. It has enveloped me for the past three-and-a-half years. This was also about the time Urinal Gum went down the drain. Urinal Gum, for the uninitiated, was/is a print and on-line 'zine that changed the way Americans (and some Belgians) viewed entertainment. As the name suggests, only men would get the jokes, yet many women purchased Urinal Gum t-shirts because irony was in fashion at the time. Urinal Gum was "popular" between 2008 until early 2010, when roller derby took over.

What Urinal Gum may look like. Art by Krislyn Dillard.

As roller derby took over my life, I found a way to combine my love of writing with my new-found love of people on wheels bashing into each other. There was little written about roller derby at the time I decided to toss my pen into the ring. I traveled all over the Northwest to apply my far-superior writing abilities and knowledge of sports logic and philosophy to this burgeoning sport for the newly-athletic.

My ceaseless writing gave people the crazy idea that I might be good at public relations and marketing work. So, I soon found myself doing PR for the Emerald City Roller Girls. I was so good at that I soon was in charge of PR for the Men's Roller Derby Association. And, before I knew it, I didn't get to do any writing at all.

I am starting this blog to get back to writing about what I want on a website that doesn't bombard you with commercials. Previously, I had a little writing gig with the Examiner. For every click, I got half a penny. That worked out to the equivalent of getting paid about 59 cents per hour of work. There is no money to be made writing about roller derby. But, as you can see from the Examiner site, there is money to be made in putting annoying advertisements on every square pixel of the screen. Sure, there will still be some ads on here, but the Examiner has got to be the worst. So, all of my roller derby writing that would have appeared on the Examiner in the past will now appear on UrinalGum.blogspot.com.

I chose to call this Urinal Gum in honor of my old 'zine because the name sticks, it represents what I want to do with this blog (write a hodgepodge of irreverent drivel), and my old domain of urinalgum.com was assuredly maliciously stolen by some sex perverts.

I currently am not employed in any job that pays money, so I will likely try to squeeze some money out of this to feed my wife, who is totes preg preg. So, if you see bizarre references to the cool refreshing taste of Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar, know that there is one less starving pregger out there.

With this new blog, I am also open to whoring myself out to make a cheap buck. I will take requests for what to write about (and promptly ignore them). I will produce top ten lists that are clearly trolling for commenters to dispute my list (i.e. "ZOMG! I HATE you for saying Cocoon is the best romantic comedy ever! 50 First Dates is sooo much better! Fuck you!") Also, if you have a product you would like me to promote, I will gladly take your money and do a better job selling it than Lonesome Rhodes.

Anyway, I'm tired of writing now. If you need anything (back issues of Urinal Gum, a foot massage, someone to ignore your emails), please contact me at jamesbrains55@gmail.com.